Dear Diary
by el dinosaurio
Summary: Afraid Rin will steal her boyfriend, Miku does whatever it takes to keep her man. T for safety.
1. Prologue

Dear diary o' mine,

Ugh. Why do I have to start with that? I don't _really _wanna put it 'cause it's all standard and stuffs, but whatevers.

Soes, there's this boy I like. His name's Len.

He's blond, with blue eyes, creamy looking skin (Can skin look creamy?). Whatever! Anyway, he's totally hot.

We sit next to each other in class and pass notes 'cause we both know the lessons, and he's really funny and nice and I bet he's _great_ in b… scrabble, great in scrabble. ERGH, goddamn non-erasable pens.

Too bad he has a girlfriend.

Miku. Hatsune. Miku Hatsune. That's his girlfriend's name.

She's a tealette, and tall, and basically everything I'm not.

Miku's been going around school telling _everyone _that they [her word choice was made love (cringe)] had sex.

I would ask Len but he'd probably stop passing notes with me.

That's what I really look forward to, you know? Like, his notes get me through the forever boring institution that is school.

Does that make sense? I feel like I don't make sense sometimes. Like people don't really know what I'm trying to say so they just smile and nod and look at me with those eyes, those eyes that laugh and laugh and laugh at you, they eat you alive, strip you down, clothe you up, screw you seven ways till Sunday, rip you up, look inside you and at your thoughts and feelings, then they patch you up together, and the eyes continue to bore into your soul and all you can do is stare back and let it happen because, if you break eye contact, that invisible ginger that I always see out of the corner of my eyes will come and take my soul, I'll be a soulless child, and the eyes see my future cat killings, and the ginger, the ginger's reflected in their eyes, and it's laughing, the ginger's laughing, laughing at you and your soulless self, because you know he's right to laugh, then everyone laughs, and you're standing there, stripped of your self dignity and reason, and you think, momentarily think, that they will all pay for laughing, laughing at you, and you laugh into your head, thinking about how _funny _it will be when they're no longer laughing, but its you, _you_ who's laughing.

Sorry about that, sometimes I need to rant.

Ranting, I feel it's good for the soul.

Well,

Au revoir.

* * *

**A/N:** Easing myself back into the fanfiction after being pretty inactive for awhile.

Sorry for all those who missed me.


	2. Chapter 1

I looked up from the black notebook, chuckling to myself. In a singsong voice I say, "I know who wrote you."

Smirking, I closed the book and placed it in my backpack, knowing things would get interesting.

* * *

I waited for my blond beau in the lunchroom.

I know I'm lucky, not only am I gorgeous, but I have a hot boyfriend, my parents are well off, there's nothing else I could ask for.

But Len had other things in mind.

I knew that since we weren't in the same class, our time together was limited during school. So while I was off learning, my oh-so-irresistibly-hot boyfriend is spending time passing notes to some blonde-haired, blue-eyed _skank_. Why were they even passing notes anyway? Didn't she have stuff to _learn_ too? After all, this is school. Or does she already _know_ the lessons, meaning _she's smarter than me._

I knew this _boyfriend stealer_ was funnier than me. Len kept some of the notes and when he reread them, he would laugh and giggle and _chuckle_. I knew it was what the girl wrote because I'd read over his shoulder, and he'd put a finger underneath the line he was reading at it was _always under the more feminine writing when he laughed. _During this over-the-shoulder reading, I found he had addressed her as "Rin".

I absolutely _hated _this _Rin_, and I had to _destroy her, _little did she know, _she provided the ammo for her demise._

When Len finally walked into the lunchroom, I shot up and practically ran over to him.

Smiling, I say, "Hey, you."

Without emotion, Len responds, "Hey."

"How are your classes?" I ask, wanting to continue to talk to him, to reestablish the connection that we had had earlier in our relationship.

I saw something flicker through his eyes, a small smile quickly tugging at his lips before disappearing into the mass of emotionlessness, "Class was good."

"That's good," I tried to put on a smile, but I have a feeling it looks like I'm getting tortured.

Len hums, "mm."

I knew then, right then, that I had to show Len what Rin had written.

* * *

I had scanned the page and printed an extra copy at my house.

I arrived at school, searching for Len.

I spotted his high, tight ponytail and ran over, "Len!" I called out when I reached him.

"Oh, hey Miku," he greeted me with a small smile and a peck on the cheek.

I held out a folded piece of paper, "Here, for you," I tell him, trying not to reveal anything in my voice.

Len took the note, "Thanks, I'll read it later."

I wave, "I gotta get to class," I walk off, when I was a good distance away, I smirk, I hope Len enjoys Rin's diary entry.


	3. Chapter 2

_Where is it?_

That thought went through my head a million times. The phrase started overlapping as I tore through the contents of my bag, hoping that maybe _just once_, if I go through my bag _one more time_, the outcome with change.

_Where is it? _

I carelessly threw the contents of my bag everywhere, _anywhere_, trying to find the small, black notebook that I kept my thoughts.

No, the outcome hadn't changed. It wasn't there.

Some person, somewhere, had my diary. My personal, _private_ diary, and they were probably reading it.

_Who has it?_

That replaced my previous question. Hopefully someone from school didn't find it. That would suck some _major_ ass.

People would know about the _ginger_ that I saw from the corner of my eye, the one that mocks me.

They would know about my secret infatuation with Len.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N:** In the Japanese school system, it doesn't matter if you're really advanced or far behind, you don't get held back or skip a grade.

* * *

I walked into the classroom, sighing as I dropped down into my seat; I let my mind wander while I watched the other students enter, two by two, like animals entering the ark.

My mind wander from topic to topic, but the one I got stuck on was wondering what was with my girlfriend this morning.

She hardly ever gives me notes, and when she does, it's usually for a holiday or my birthday.

I look at the note, plain white paper, 'To Len' written on the top fold.

I carefully unfold the square until I reach the full rectangle. I quickly look over it, and there are lines like it was written on notebook paper before being printed off. Strange.

I start reading, '_Dear diary o' mine_', that's a strange way to start off a letter to someone.

I continue on, '_Ugh. Why do I have to start with that? I don't really wanna put it 'cause it's all standard and stuffs, but whatevers_', I laugh quietly, for some reason this part amused me.

I pause before continuing, this doesn't look like Miku's writing. I pass it off as my mind playing tricks on me.

'_Soes, there's this boy I like_,' who could Miku possibly like? I'm guessing besides me.

'_His name's Len_', if Miku wrote this, it must've been before we started going out.

'_He's blond, with blue eyes, creamy looking skin (Can skin look creamy?). He's totally hot._' I don't want to sound narcissistic, but I believe this is a fairly accurate description of me.

'_We sit next to each other in class and pass notes 'cause we both know the lessons, and he's really funny and nice and I bet he's great in b… scrabble, great in scrabble. ERGH, goddamn non-erasable pens._' Huh, Miku and I have never passed notes, let alone sit together in class.

_That _is when it dawned on me. _Miku _didn't write this, _Rin _did.

I imagine her blonde hair, her oversized white bow that she wore, she occasionally decided not to wear it, blue eyes that smiled when she smiled, the lyrical, soft and quiet laugh that crinkles her eyes, the same laugh that escapes her when she reads something I wrote that she finds funny.

The way both of us seem to never need to pay attention because we both know what they're teaching, but our country's school system won't let us go ahead in grades.

'_Too bad he has a girlfriend._' Too bad indeed, I bite my lip and continue.

'_Miku. Hatsune. Miku Hatsune. That's his girlfriend's name._' I still continue to read.

'_She's a tealette, and tall, and basically everything I'm not._' You're so much _more_! I scream in my head.

'_Miku's been going around school telling everyone that they [her word choice was made love (cringe)] had sex._' Trust me, Rin; I'm cringing along with you. Miku and I haven't had sex, for the record.

'_I would ask Len but he'd probably stop passing notes with me._' I wouldn't. I look forward to her notes.

'_That's what I really look forward to, you know? Like, his notes get me through the forever boring institution that is school._' I guess we feel the same.

'_Does that make sense? I feel like I don't make sense sometimes. Like people don't really know what I'm trying to say so they just smile and nod and look at me with those eyes, those eyes that laugh and laugh and laugh at you, they eat you alive, strip you down, clothe you up, screw you seven ways till Sunday, rip you up, look inside you and at your thoughts and feelings, then they patch you up together, and the eyes continue to bore into your soul and all you can do is stare back and let it happen because, if you break eye contact, that invisible ginger that I always see out of the corner of my eyes will come and take my soul, I'll be a soulless child, and the eyes see my future cat killings, and the ginger, the ginger's reflected in their eyes, and it's laughing, the ginger's laughing, laughing at you and your soulless self, because you know he's right to laugh, then everyone laughs, and you're standing there, stripped of your self dignity and reason, and you think, momentarily think, that they will all pay for laughing, laughing at you, and you laugh into your head, thinking about how_ funny_ it will be when they're no longer laughing, but its you, _you_ who's laughing._' This part caught me off guard, if was as if Rin had been possessed. I start to wonder if she feels this often, if it's a common thought that wanders into her mind when she's walking home, or to school, or doing chores, or in class when it's dull and boring and I'm madly scribbling some long response to a simple question that she's asked.

I suddenly wonder if she's alone at night, lying in her bed, wearing what I imagine to be a tank top of some color and plaid pajama pants, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how life could be _so much better_ than it is now. Then maybe her mind wanders onto the boy in class who passes notes with her, who laughs with her, wondering if he rereads the notes that he ends up keeping, laughing at the same things he had in class, wishing that his girlfriend wouldn't read over his shoulder because he likes those notes to be his and hers, no one else's. Just theirs. But still, the girlfriend lingers over his shoulder, breath ghosting past his ear because she leans forward, her hair tickling his cheek and he absentmindedly _wishes _that it wasn't the tealette who was reading over his shoulder, but instead her, who had written on the paper too, rereading with him and both of them laughing at what the other wrote because both of them found the other person _funny_, unlike the boy's previous girlfriend, who never got any of the jokes he told and rarely found hers funny. And they would be _happy _together.

'_Sorry about that, sometimes I need to rant._

_Ranting, I feel it's good for the soul._' A good rant is called for at times. I should know, I just mentally ranted to myself.

I read the simple closing of '_Au revoir_', refolding the paper.

Just then, the blonde whose seat is right beside mine came barreling into the room, breathing heavy and cheeks flushed from, I'm guessing, running.

Quickly walking to her seat in the back row, she sat down, smiling at me a little while doing so.

I return her smile and we look forward, waiting for the teacher to walk in and start teaching the other students, then Rin would sneakily bring out a piece of paper, both thankful for our seats being in the back row, and she would write something and on and on it would go, until the lunch bell rang, where we'd part ways for a while. She would go to her circle of friends, and I to mine.

Then, we had to gather in the classroom again when the bell signaling the end of lunch rang.

Where it was my turn to bring out the paper, usually revisiting the previous conversation, sometimes starting a new one.

This going on and on until the bell rang, releasing everyone from school. Rin and I would walk out of the classroom together, exchanging good byes and parting ways when we exited the building.

Then, the process would basically repeat the next day.

Today, Rin handed me a paper football saying, 'I feel like your girlfriend's been trying to kill me with the power of her mind, it's not successful, by the way. Postscript, bananas are an awkward fruit.'

I laugh quietly, trying to connect Miku to bananas, I write back, 'I'm glad it's not. Who else would help me stave off boredom during school? P.S. How do bananas and Miku connect?'

Rin replies, 'True, true. I kinda like to be alive and stuff too, that's always good. Postscript, how is a raven like a writing desk?'

'That is always a good thing. P.S. Alice in Wonderland? Really?'

'When I don't evaporate before her eyes, I can tell she's all "RIN! Y U NO DIE?" in her head. Postscript, that's just how I roll.'

I shake my head at her reply, 'I'm sure that's _exactly_ what she's thinking.'

We continue writing with the familiar ease that we've established over time until the lunch bell rings; I stuff the note in my pocket.

Rin waits for me, and then she and I walk into the cafeteria together, where I can see my girlfriend trying to eviscerate Rin with her stare.

Seriously, what is _up _with Miku lately?

* * *

**A/N:** Alright guys, this is where the not-so-frequent updating begins.


	5. Chapter 4

_AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH! That __**SKANK!**_

She was still hanging off Len like _I don't exist_.

I guessed Len must not have read her diary yet, seeing as they're still acting so … _chummy_. I mean, why else would he still be hanging out with that deranged _freak_ of a girl?

I tried to smile as I was them walk toward the cafeteria but the way Len's brow furrowed ever-so-slightly, I must not have been doing a good job of it.

I skipped over to Len and The Skank, hugging Len in greeting.

Rin just rolled her eyes and said her good bye to Len, scurrying into the cafeteria. I saw him continue to look after her as she left.

"Hey," I said to Len, tired of him _not acknowledging my existence._

"Oh," Len said, a bit startled by my greeting. "Hi, Miku."

I tugged Len toward the cafeteria. "C'mon," I urged. "Let's go get lunch."

Len only nodded and I could tell that he was still thinking about _Rin._

Why? Why was _my_ boyfriend still thinking about another girl? Why couldn't I have all of his attention, just like I did when we first started dating? What made her so much better than me; he couldn't even spare me any thoughts? Why wasn't I even in competition with her for my boyfriend's thoughts?

I tried to shake the doubts from my mind.

Surely, I was much better than her…. Right?

* * *

**A/N:** I'm not so sure about this chapter. And in case anyone is wondering, I do love Miku.


End file.
